Tell Me a Story

The Girl With No Future

2012-01-31T11:55:00.000-06:00

Désiréewas a fourteen-year-old teenager, and she was nervous. She had enrolled in the JohnMurray Anderson School for the Dramatic Arts.

Like,many girls her age, she battled insecurities. Moreover, her life had been especiallydifficult. Included in her misfortunes was the death of her father, who diedwhen she was four.

Hergrandfather had been a performer at one time, and he had encouraged her to pursueacting as she was growing up. Now, with her mother's approval, she was to beginacting lessons in a prestigious school.

Sadly,her dreams were not realized. Brutally, experts and professionals told her thatshe "had no future at all as a performer."

Ourblessing is that Désirée ultimately did not listen to those who were supposedlyable to see into her future. She continued to pursue a career in acting, usingmodeling as her portal into her dream profession.

Today,who does not enjoy watching Lucille Désirée Ball perform in movies and herclassic TV show?

Alot of people grow so depressed living in this world, they cannot bear to lookto the future.

I’mso glad we serve One, who is not only the God of the past and present, but alsoof the future. He sees what we cannot see, and He is moving our world to powerful,yet wonderful end. Although we cannot see it as He can, we can view it withhope through faith.

20 Now to him who isable to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his powerthat is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesusthroughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen (Eph.3:20-21.)

Source for Lucille Ball story: u-s-history.com

The Money Ledger

2012-01-30T11:39:00.000-06:00

Yearsago, it caught my attention when a periodical offered an account of how GodfreyDavies wrote his historical work on the Duke of Wellington. The periodical quotedDavies as saying this, “I found an old account ledger that showed how the Dukespent his money. It was a far better clue to what he thought was reallyimportant than the reading of his letters or speeches."

Ionce heard a preacher state, “Show me your checkbook and your [appointmentbook], and I will show you where your heart is.”

Maybethat is why Jesus spent so much time talking about money. How we spend themoney God bestows upon us reveals how we feel about God.

The Cost of Ideas

2012-01-27T10:45:00.000-06:00

Ideashave consequences. Be ready to accept the consequences of what you believe.

RobertIngersoll was an American agnostic who lived in the 19^th century. Heowned a remarkable and celebrated library, which included many atheisticalbooks.

Areporter once asked him what his library cost him. Ingersoll thought for amoment and answered, “The governorship of Illinois and possibly the presidencyof the United States.

Source: Edmund Fuller

Anger vs. Exasperation

2012-01-26T11:27:00.000-06:00

RalphL. Woods wrote several years ago about a father, who wanted to illustrate tohis son the difference between anger and exasperation. He looked up the phonenumber of a pompous fellow whom he knew only by name and reputation, and hedialed the number.

Whenthe gentleman answered the phone, the father asked, “Is Adolph there?”

“There’sno Adolph here. Why don’t you get the right number before bothering people thishour of the night?” roared the man on the other end.

“Nowthat,” said the father when he put down the phone, “was simply annoyance. We’llwait a few minutes, and then you’ll hear something.”

Aftera decent interval, the father dialed the same number and again asked, “IsAdolph there?”

Thistime the other party literally screamed into the phone, “What’s the matter withyou, are you crazy? I told you to look up the number and stop bothering me!” whereuponthe receiver at the other end was slammed down.

“Nowthat fellow was angry,” said the father. In a few minutes I will show you whatI mean by exasperation compared to anger.

After 15 minutes or so,the father dialed the same number for the third time, and when the same mananswered at the other end, the father said almost cheerily, “Hello, this is Adolph.Have there been any messages for me during the past half hour or so?”

Doesthis story help explain this verse from the Apostle Paul, “4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bringthem up in the training and instruction of the Lord” Eph. 6:4)? NIV 1984

Your Job Impacts Your Home

2012-01-24T09:02:00.000-06:00

Somesay a person’s job doesn’t influence his home life. I don’t know about that.

Aboy’s family moved to another city. Registering on his first day of school, theboy was asked by the school secretary, "What's your father'soccupation?"

"He's a magician," said the new boy.

"How exciting. What's his best trick?"

"He saws people in half."

"How impressive! Now, do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"Yep... one half brother and two half sisters."

Be careful about taking your work home.

Follow the Sun

2012-01-23T12:15:00.001-06:00

Afew weeks ago, I was duck hunting with my son Timothy. We were on land that Iwas not familiar with. We walked deep into the woods for almost two milesbefore we arrived at the river, upon which we planned to hunt.

Walkingback to the pickup after our hunt, I began to sense we were veering off course.This was an issue to me; I did not want us to get caught after dark tryingto find our way on unfamiliar land.

Ihad a compass with me, yet something did not seem right. I had been walkingaccording the compass’s data, yet, as I looked at the sun, I became greatlyconcerned. "When did the sun start setting in the East?" I thought tomyself. I knew that winter did crazy things to the sun and the seasons, butthis?

Ihad to make a difficult decision; should I trust the best data that the worldhas to offer, or do I follow the sun? I decided to follow the sun, and thatmade all the difference—Timothy and I safely made it home.

Thebook of Hebrews tells us that you and I have to make that same sort ofdecision. We are confronted with the great question: do we follow the best datathat this world has to offer, or do we follow the Son? Hebrews says—Follow the Son!

Thatwill make all of the difference. The Son will lead us home.

Calgon, Take Me Away!

2012-01-20T11:30:00.000-06:00

Parentingcan be hard, especially when the children are small. Here is some advice thatmight help.

Mary’sthree small children were stressing her out. She complained to her best friend,“My kids are driving me crazy! They are relentless! I can catch a break! I’mexhausted!”

Mary’sloving friend advised her, “What you need is a playpen to separate the kidsfrom yourself.”

“Greatidea!” Mary said.

Marywent to the store and bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called toask how she was doing.

“Fantastic!I can’t believe how relaxed I feel,” Mary answered. “I get in that pen with agood book, and the kids don’t bother me one bit.”

You’veprobably have heard this before, oh parents of small children, but “this tooshall pass.”

Seeking $990,000 in Change

2012-01-19T12:02:00.000-06:00

Didyou hear about the man in Lexington, North Carolina, who tried to fool aWal-Mart cashier by buying a few hundred dollars worth of items using a onemillion dollar bill? Of course, the one million dollar bill was counterfeit.

Somehow,the clerk sensed that something was awry. It might have been when the gentlemanasked for more than $999,000 in change! Thinking quickly, the Wal-Mart employeecalled authorities and Michael Fuller was arrested.

Thisstory has gotten a lot of play on the Internet and in the media. With thelargest bill currently in circulation being that of the $100 amount, it is easyto question how in the world Mr. Fuller could have expected to function in aculture with a proposed currency being so obviously out of whack.

Unfortunately,he is not alone. I would argue that most people in our culture have a view ofmoney that is out of whack. We place too high a value on the dollar amount,even when it is a real, legitimate, and government-backed currency. $100does not buy nearly as much life as many of us think.

Ibelieve that was what Jesus meant when he said, "No one can servetwo masters. The person will hate one master and love the other, or will followone master and refuse to follow the other. You cannot serve both God andworldly riches” (Mt. 6:24.) NCV

The Conversation

2012-01-18T11:44:00.001-06:00

Sharlawas 28. She was a volunteer at her local elementary school, where she mentoreda young, fifth-grade student named “Brandy.” One day, Sharla’s principal summoned her to his office. Therewas a problem.

Fulfillingher commitment, Sharla had been arriving at the school each week to eat lunchwith Brandy and her friends, and then to share with them a number of activities,including recess.

Brandyand her friends enjoyed this time. They would pepper Sharla with questionsabout her life, her friends, and a host of other topics.

Oneday, Brandy asked Sharla, “Do you have a boyfriend?"

Sharlasmiled and informed Brandy that she did not.

ThenBrandy asked Sharla, "If you did, would you live with him?"

Sharlainformed Brandy she would not.

That confused Brandy. Shewanted to know why Sharla would not. After all, every girl who had a boyfriendlived with him.

Thatwas the moment Sharla knew she had to tread carefully. The elementary schoolhad a curriculum that emphasized "healthy choices."

Consequently,Sharla gently let Brandy know that not every girl lived with her boyfriend. Shehad made a choice for herself. Brandy wanted to know more.

Again,choosing her words carefully, Sharla explained that she tried to make herchoices according to what she understood the Bible to say. She was not trying tojudge other people’s choices; she was simply seeking to communicate the reasonsfor her choice.

WhatSharla failed to realize was she had crossed a line. Brandy reported to afriend their conversation. That friend told her mother. That mother called theprincipal, complaining that Sharla was lecturing schoolgirls about living withmen.

Atthat point, it was Sharla’s turn to be lectured. The principal called Sharlainto his office. He advised her that the conversation with Brandy wasinappropriate: healthy choices don’t necessarily include refraining from livingwith men.

Wantto guess where this conversation occurred?

California?

Massachusetts?

No.Texas.

Mypurpose is not to foment fear; rather, it is to recognize what is more and morebecoming our reality. Rapidly, we are finding common ground with the Christiansin Hebrews:

All these peoplewere still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the thingspromised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And theyadmitted that they were aliensand strangers on earth (Heb. 11:13.) NIV 1984

Happy Quarterbacks

2012-01-17T12:19:00.002-06:00

Iheard two commentators talking about Peyton Manning and Andrew Luck potentiallyplaying together for the Indianapolis Colts. They noted that-were this tooccur-one quarterback would surely not be happy.

Theother commentator mentioned Aaron Rogers and Brett Favre playing together onthe Green Bay Packers, and Joe Montana and Steve Young competing for thequarterback job with the San Francisco 49ers. Both the Packers and 49ers wonSuper Bowls under all four quarterbacks.

Thenthe question arose: was one of those four quarterbacks ever unhappy?Absolutely. Nevertheless, most fans were pleased with the outcome. To them, itwas better to gain the victory than it was to have happy quarterbacks.

I wonder if God thinks the same for us?Happiness is not the priority. What is important is to gain the eternal victory.

The Caddie

2012-01-16T10:00:00.000-06:00

InJune of 2000, Tiger Woods was in his prime. On June 17, he won the U.S. Open,destroying the field by fifteen strokes at the historic Pebble Beach course inCalifornia.

Four days later, Tiger Woods became a caddie.

JerryChang, Tiger Wood’s old Stanford roommate, was seeking to qualify for the US Amateur Public Links Championship at the Black Mountain Golf and Country Club inHenderson, Nevada. By 6:00 AM that Thursday morning, Tiger Woods was on thecourse. He caddied two, eighteen hole rounds for Chang, weathering the 100+degree desert sun.

WhileWoods failed to help Chang qualify for the championship, he did demonstrate hiswillingness to be there for his friend. In the ensuing years, Tiger Woods hasnot always made wise decisions. But I appreciate his decision that day.

“A friend loves atall times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Prov. 17:17.) ESV

The Young Writer

2012-01-13T11:18:00.000-06:00

Iappreciate stories that encourage perseverance. An old story tells of a littlegirl, who was diligently pounding away on her grandfather’s computer.

“Whatare you working on?” he asked.

“I’mwriting a story,” she replied.

“What’sit about?” he asked.

“Idon’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read yet.”

Write on, young lass!

Somesay a major theme of the Bible is perseverance. I would agree. For example, Ithink Paul was speaking of perseverance when he wrote this, “But one thing I do:forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on towardthe goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus”(Phil.3:13b-14.) ESV

Pushing Uphill

2012-01-12T12:16:00.000-06:00

Anattitude of gratitude can be hard to cultivate in children. The story is toldof a small boy pushing a heavily loaded car up a long, steep hill. He seemedoverwhelmed.

Fortunately,a kind passer-by assisted him. At last, they succeeded in pushing the cart allthe way to the top. After getting his wind back, the adult indignantly said tothe boy, “Only a scoundrel would expect a youngster to do a job like that! Youremployer should have known it was too heavy for you.”

“Hedid,” replied the boy, “but he said, ‘Go on, you’re sure to find some old foolwho’ll help you up the hill.”

Teachingchildren to be gracious starts with the parents. Surely we Christian parents, recipientsof God’s grace, can teach our children to be gracious.

Source—Edmund Fuller

Dying In The Service

2012-01-11T11:59:00.003-06:00

Areyour worship services killing your church attendance? I hope not to thisextent:

Anold story tells of a Sunday morning when a preacher noticed a little boy named,Alex, staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the churchbuilding. The seven-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, sothe preacher walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Goodmorning Alex."

"Goodmorning," replied Alex, focused on the plaque. "Dr.Simpson, what is this?" the young lad asked.

"Wellson, these are all the men who have died in the Service," replied thepreacher.

Soberly,they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex’ voice barelybroke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one, the 9:00 or the 10:30service?"

How Do Firemen Find Fire Hydrants?

2012-01-10T12:11:00.000-06:00

Iread about a nursery school teacher who was driving a vanload of kids home one day, whena fire truck rushed past. ADalmatian was faithfully sitting in the front seat of the fire truck.

Thiscreated quite a discussion for the children! First question—what was the dog’sduties?

Onechild said, “They use him to keep crowds back.”

Anotheranswered, “No! He’s just for good luck.”

A thirdchild won the prize for best answer, “They use the dogs to find the firehydrants.”

Ah,the joy of discovery. Now, I don’t know if those dogs are up to all of thosethings (which I had not previously known!), but I do believe that someday--in eternity--I’ll findout a lot more about Jesus’ activities in this world.

Thewriter of Hebrews wrote, “God's Son has all thebrightness of God's own glory and is like him in every way. By his own mightyword, he holds the universe together” (Heb. 1:3a.)

I don’t know what all is involvedin holding the universe together, but I bet it is a lot!

When Your Church Property is Seized

2012-01-09T12:01:00.000-06:00

Whatwould you do if your city chose to take the property on which your churchbuilding was located? That is the challenge the Cottonwood Christian Center facedin 2002. The City Council of Cypress, California voted to seize thecongregation’s property in order to build a Costco.

Thechurch filed a lawsuit. Ultimately, a settlement was reached where the cityoffered the church property to build a new facility in the same relative area.

Accordingto the book of Hebrews, part of the persecution the church faced was theconfiscation of property. Granted, that was more likely private property;however, it was still painful for the Christians—so much so, some were leavingthe faith.

OurAmerican culture has not marginalized Christians to the extent of ancient Rome,but we are headed in that direction. In the past, it would have beenunthinkable for a city council to make a decision like that of the city of Cypress.

Ifeel the Christianity is headed for more adversity. Will we respond in faith asHebrews calls for us to do?

The Women’s Tee Box

2012-01-06T11:13:00.000-06:00

Itcan be difficult when our failures become public. Several years ago, agentleman recounted an awkward moment he had experienced on the golf course:

It was a sunnySaturday morning on the course and I was at the beginning of my pre-shotroutine, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the loudspeaker.

"Wouldthe gentleman on the women's tee back up to the men's tee please!"

Iwas still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.

Againthe announcement, "Would the gentleman on the women's tee kindly back upto the men's tee!"

Isimply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: "WOULDTHE MAN ON THE WOMEN'S TEE PLEASE BACK UP TO THE MEN'S TEE!!"

Ifinally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at theperson with the microphone and shouted back, "WOULD THE IDIOT IN THECLUBHOUSE KINDLY SHUT UP AND LET ME PLAY MY SECOND SHOT!"

All of us hit "bad shots" that eventually come to light. All of us fail. All us fall short of God’s glory.

It seems appropriate, therefore, that we maintain anattitude of winsome humility. That’s what a sinless Jesus did. Thinking of Jesus, Paul wrote,

Don't be jealous or proud, but be humble and consider others moreimportant than yourselves (Phil. 2:3). CEV

Take Time for Sabbath

2012-01-05T10:44:00.006-06:00

Taketime for Sabbath; take time for spiritual and physical rest.

Thestory is told of one man, who challenged another, to an all-day contest chopping wood.The challenger worked very hard, stopping only for a brief lunch break. Theother man had a leisurely lunch and took several breaks during the day.

At the end of the day, the challenger was surprised andannoyed to find that the other fellow had chopped substantially more wood thanhe had.

“I don’t get it,” he said. “Every time I checked, you weretaking a rest, yet you chopped more wood than I did.”

"But you didn’t notice,” said the winning woodsman, “that Iwas sharpening my ax when I sat down to rest.”

Taking time forSabbath is like sharpening your ax.

Source: L. S. Chafer, Grace

Kid Instructions For Life

2012-01-04T11:57:00.000-06:00

Livinglife can be a daunting task. Sometimes, we need good advice on how to do it.How about this:

Top Ten Kid Instructions forLife

10. Never trust a dog to watch yourfood. Patrick, Age 10

9. Wear a hat when feedingseagulls. Rocky, Age 9

8. Sleep in your clothes so you'll bedressed in the morning. Stephanie, Age 8

7. When your dad is mad and asks you,"Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.

Heather, Age 16

6. Never tell your mom her diet's notworking. Michael, Age 14

5. Don't pick on your sister when she'sholding a baseball bat. Joel, Age 12

4. Never try to baptize a cat. Laura,Age 13

3. Never do pranks at a police station.Sam, Age 10

2. Never dare your little brother to paint the family car. Phillip, Age 13

1. Rememberyou're never too old to hold your father's hand. Molly, Age 11

Asgood as that advice is, maybe we can find better places to look. How aboutstarting with the Bible?

So You Had a Bad Day

2012-01-03T10:55:00.000-06:00

Newyear off to a bad start? Maybe the following experiences (according to various traditions)of ten of the original twelve disciples will make you feel better:

What Became of the Apostles?

1. Judas Iscariot, after betraying his Lord, hanged himself.

2. John died an old man in Ephesus.

3. Peter was crucified, head downward, during the persecution of

Nero.

4. Andrew died on a cross at Patrae, in Achaia, a Grecian Colony.

5. James, son of Alpheus, was thrown from a pinnacle of the Temple, andthen beaten to deathwith a club.

6. James, the elder son of Zebedee, was beheaded at Jerusalem.

7. Thomas, the Doubter, was martyred in India, by a lance.

8. Philip was martyred (some ancient sources recorded he was hanged on a pillar) at Hierapolis (now Turkey).

9. Thaddeus was martyred in Persia.

10. Matthew was martyred in Ethiopia.

Again,I emphasize these are not nailed-down facts. Still, I feel confident a threadof truth runs through these stories to reveal to us that being an originaldisciple of Jesus was not easy.

“Winnie Cooper” Has a Theorem

2012-01-02T10:00:00.000-06:00

I loved the eighties’ TV series, THE WONDER YEARS. One of the young stars of the show was an actress named Danica McKellar.

After the series ended, Danica attended UCLA, where she discovered a love for mathematics. She also found out she was gifted in the discipline.

In 2005, she co-authored the Chayes-McKellar-Winn theorem. Not bad.

I would be more than happy to explain to you the nuances of the theorem. Unfortunately, I do not have the time. (Hah, Hah!) Suffice it to say, she did a good job—I take by faith.

In the ensuing years, Danica has written books primarily designed to encourage young people in their pursuit of mathematical knowledge. Bully for her! (I should read them myself.)

I have no idea if Danica is a Christian, but I believe she models for those of us who are how we should do the best we can with the gifts God has given us.

Of course, we should use our gifts to serve the community of faith. However, we should also use our gifts to serve the world, which blesses the Kingdom of God.

Top Nine Hymns for the Over Fifty Crowd

2011-12-30T10:00:00.000-06:00

[From December 26, 2011 through January 1, 2012, I'm goingto be running some of my top viewed posts for 2011. I hope you enjoy these onceagain--or for the first time. ME]

Someone sent this to me several years ago. I shared it with my church [in May], and they got a chuckle out of it.

Top Nine Hymns for the Over 50 Crowd

9-Precious Lord, Take My Hand, And Help Me Up

8-It Is Well with My Soul, But My Knees Hurt

7-Nobody Knows the Trouble I Have Seeing

6-Just a Slower Walk with Thee

5-Count Your Many Birthdays, Name Them One by One

4-Go Tell It on the Mountain, But Speak Up

3-Give Me the Old Timers' Religion

2-Blessed Insurance

1-Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah…

I've Forgotten Where I Parked

Go For the Gold!

2011-12-29T09:30:00.000-06:00

[From December 26, 2011 through January 1, 2012, I'm goingto be running some of my top viewed posts for 2011. I hope you enjoy these onceagain--or for the first time. ME]
We don’t know who the source is of this story; hence, it may be legend. So let’s listen to it as a parable and apply it to mentoring.

Over a century ago, Andrew Carnegie was the wealthiest man in America. He came to America from his native Scotland, when he was a small boy, performed a variety of odd jobs, and eventually ended up as the largest steel manufacturer in the United States.

At one time, he had forty-three millionaires working for him. In those days a millionaire was a rare person; conservatively speaking, a million dollars in his day would be equivalent to over twenty million dollars today.

A reporter asked Carnegie how he had hired forty-three millionaires.

Carnegie responded that those men had not been millionaires when they started working for him. They had become millionaires as a result of working for him.

The reporter's next question was, "How did you develop these men to become so valuable to you that you have paid them this much money?"

Carnegie replied that men are developed the same way gold is mined. When gold is mined, several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold; but one doesn't go into the mine looking for dirt - one goes in looking for the gold.

That's exactly the way Christian leaders need to view people. Don't look for the flaws, warts, and blemishes. Look for the gold, not for the dirt; the good, not the bad.

When we achieve this, we can truly cultivate a culture in our churches where equipping disciples can occur.

Take a Quiz!

2011-12-28T09:00:00.000-06:00

[From December 26, 2011 through January 1, 2012, I'm goingto be running some of my top viewed posts for 2011. I hope you enjoy these onceagain--or for the first time. ME]

Here’s a fun quiz fromhttp://www.whimsy.org.uk/quiz.html

The answers are at the bottom:

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?  

2) Which country makes Panama hats?  

3) From which animal do we get catgut?  

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?  

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?  

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?  

7) What was King George VI's first name?  8) What color is a purple finch?  

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?  

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?  

All done? Check your answers below!      

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ  

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years  

2) Which country makes Panama hats?  Ecuador  

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?  Sheep and Horses  

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?  November  

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?  Squirrel fur  

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?  Dogs  

7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert  

8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson  

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?  New Zealand  

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange.

Sometimes, what appears to be the obvious answer is not the true answer. Sort of like the world’s solutions for the challenges of life.

TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT AND PANTS

2011-12-27T09:00:00.000-06:00

[From December 26, 2011 through January 1, 2012, I'm goingto be running some of my top viewed posts for 2011. I hope you enjoy these onceagain--or for the first time. ME]

I read a story recently about a teenage girl who wanted to buy her first bikini. She approached her parents and alerted them to her wish.

Her father calmly replied, “Let’s discuss this, but first, take off your shirt and pants.”

This horrified the teenager. She exclaimed, “Dad! I can’t do that! I would be standing here in my underwear!”

He gently explained that standing in her underwear would cover up more of her body than a bikini would; moreover, she was standing in the presence of only her mom and dad. If they could not see her in garments that covered more of her body, why would she want to be seen in less before an infinitely larger group of people?

The teenager never mentioned bikinis again.

How to Get People to Stay for a Sermon

2011-12-26T09:00:00.000-06:00

[From December 26, 2011 through January 1, 2012, I'm going to be running some of my top viewed posts for 2011. I hope you enjoy these once again--or for the first time. ME]

Preaching can be a challenge. However, I would not necessarily recommend the following technique.

An old story tells of one of the great preachers of the 1800s, Dwight L. Moody. Once, Moody was the guest preacher at a church.

Beginning his sermon, Moody warned that some of the congregation usually left before the end of the sermon. Then he said, "I am going to speak to two classes of people this morning; first to the sinners, then to the saints."

Moody proceeded to address the "sinners" for a while, and then said they could leave. For once, every member of the congregation stayed to the end of the sermon.

While They Were Sleeping

2011-12-23T11:10:00.000-06:00

Here’ssomething no preacher wants to hear:

Shortly beforeshe dismissed them to the worship assembly, a Sunday school teacher asked thechildren her class, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

Alittle girl answered, "Because people are sleeping."

Too Late to Take Her Out

2011-12-22T10:47:00.000-06:00

Beingsingle can be discouraging if you want to marry. Sometimes, if one is notcareful, discouragement can lead to bitterness.

Ican’t help but think about the old story of the elderly woman who passed away.

Havingnever married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructionsfor her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while Iwas alive; I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.”

A Non-Christmas Story

2011-12-21T12:14:00.000-06:00

Anold story goes like this:

Little Leroy wentto his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided that he should take alook at himself and the way he acted.

Shesaid, "Well, Leroy, it isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to justgo out and buy you anything you want. So why don't you write a letter to Jesusand pray for one instead."

Afterhis temper tantrum, his mother sent him to his room. He finally sat down towrite a letter to Jesus:

Dear Jesus:

I'vebeen a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle.

YourFriend,

Leroy.

Now, Leroy knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (he was a brat). Sohe ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try:

Dear Jesus:

I'vebeen an OK boy this year and I want a new bicycle.

YoursTruly,

Leroy

Well,Leroy knew this wasn't totally honest so he tore it up and tried again:

Dear Jesus:

I'vethought about being a good boy this year and can I have a bicycle?

Leroy

Well,Leroy looked deep down in his heart, which by the way, was what his motherreally wanted. He knew he had been terrible and was deserving of almostnothing. He crumpled up the letter, threw it in the trashcan and went runningoutside. He aimlessly wandered about depressed because of the way he treatedhis parents and was really considering his actions.

Hefinally found himself in front of a Catholic Church. Leroy went inside andknelt down, looking around not knowing what he should really do.

Leroyfinally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the statues.All of a sudden he grabbed a small one and ran out the door.

Hewent home, hid it under his bed and wrote this letter:

Jesus,

I'vegot your mama. If you ever want to see her again, give me a bike.

Youknow who.

Itis easy to jump on Leroy, but before we do, let us consider this: do we everattempt to coerce Jesus to get what we want?

The Talking Lab

2011-12-20T11:32:00.001-06:00

Anold joke goes like this:

Aguy is driving around and sees a sign in front of a house: Talking Dog ForSale. He rings the bell and theowner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes out and sees a Lab sitting there.

“Youtalk?” he asks.

“Yep,”the Lab replies.

“So, what’s yourstory?”

TheLab says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young and Iwanted to help the government. SoI told the CIA and in no time they had me eavesdropping on spies and worldleaders. For 8 years I was 1 ofthe most valuable spies. But I gottired and I wanted to settle down. I retired and was awarded a batch of metals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m retired.”

Theguy goes back and asks how much for the dog?

“$10,”he’s told.

"Whyso cheap? The dog is amazing."

“He’sa liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff.”

ThinkJesus was addressing situations like this when he said, “Simply let your ‘Yes’be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’…”? :)

How to Determine Your Age

2011-12-19T11:16:00.000-06:00

Agrandmother wrote something cute a few years ago:

“When my grandsonasked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, ‘I’m not sure.’”

“Headvised me, ‘Look in your underwear, Grandma. Mine says, I’m 4-6.’”

How to Get People to Stay for a Sermon

2011-12-16T10:42:00.002-06:00

Preaching can be achallenge. However, I would not necessarily recommend the following technique.

Anold story tells of one of the great preachers of the 1800s, Dwight L. Moody.Once, Moody was the guest preacher at a church.

Beginninghis sermon, Moody warned that some of the congregation usually left before theend of the sermon. Then he said, "I am going to speak to two classes ofpeople this morning; first to the sinners, then to the saints."

Moodyproceeded to address the "sinners" for a while, and then said theycould leave. For once, every member of the congregation stayed to the end ofthe sermon.

Failure is Good

2011-12-15T11:52:00.001-06:00

Inoted that Duke basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski was on the cover of SPORTSILLUSTRATED last week (along with Pat Summit.) It reminded me of an earlierstory in the magazine that appeared back in 1992.

“Coach K” knew only failure in his earlyyears at Duke. Then, after his program began to win, he experiencedconsistent failure at the Final 4, culminating with an epic loss to UNLV in the1990 championship game (103-73.)

Ratherthan despair, Krzyzewski sought to learn from each failure. As SI put it, "It'san article of faith with Krzyzewski that failure and success are connected likecause and effect. ‘That's why losing at the Final Four has never been a botherto me,’ he says. ‘There was a bigger thing there.’”

Thatattitude has paid off a number of times, including the Final 4 in 1991. Dukeaccomplished what may have been basketball’s greatest upset, defeating anundefeated UNLV team that some were calling the greatest of all time.

TheBible offers a consistent message of hope and even redemption after failure.Another reason people often refer to it as “the Good News.”

Are you over 21?

2011-12-14T12:00:00.002-06:00

Severalyears ago, a guy in Colorado Springs walked into a convenience store. Hecarried with him a shotgun. He demanded that the clerk give him all the cashfrom the cash drawer.

After the clerk put the cash in a bag,the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the clerk on a shelf. He told the cashier to put it in thebag as well; the cashier refused saying, "I can't do that because I don't believeyou are over 21."

The robber said he was, but the clerkstill refused to give him the scotch, again stating that he believed the robberto be under 21.

Atthis point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and handed itover to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, conceded that the man was in factover 21, and put the scotch in the bag.

Therobber then ran from the store with his money. The cashier immediately phonedthe police, offering the name and address of the robber, which he had taken fromthe license.

Twohours later, authorities arrested the robber.

Livinglife by the gut typically does not work. At some point, clear thinking-reflecting in good attitudinal and behavioral choices-is necessary.

Ihave found that God’s Word is the best source for providing clear thinking.

The Ultimate Gift

2011-12-13T11:15:00.001-06:00

Astory, perhaps legend, goes like this:

A personvolunteering at Stanford Hospital tells of a little girl named, Liza. Lizasuffered from an inherited disease. She needed a blood transfusion from herfive-year-old brother to live.

Herdoctor asked Liza’s brother if he would be willing to donate blood for her. Hehesitated and then answered, “Yes, if it will save Liza.”

Thetransfusion began. The brother smiled as his sister regained the color in hercheeks. However, his face grew pale. He turned to the doctor and asked, “Will Istart to die right now?”

Hehad misunderstood. He had thought that he was going to donate his entire bloodsupply to save Liza's life.

Fortunately,that brother’s offering of blood did not require his life. My older brother’soffering of blood required his; and it saved mine. My older brother’s name is Jesus.

StorySource: Ron Cline: Beyond The Call

Judge Not Lest Ye Shall Be Judged

2011-12-12T11:26:00.000-06:00

WarrenWiersby, in his book, BE COMPASSIONATE, wrote about the blind English poet, JohnMilton. As Milton grew older, people began to forget him.

Oneday, Charles II, son of the monarch whom the Puritans had beheaded, visitedMilton. King Charles II said to him, “Your blindness is a judgment from Godfor the part you took against my father.”

Miltonreplied to him, “If I have lost my sight through God's judgment, what can yousay about your father who lost his head?”

Toooften, people misapply the teachings of Jesus concerning Mt. 7:1, “Do not judge, or youtoo will be judged.” Wiersby’s story just might bean appropriate illustration.

Don’t Worry, God Can Use You

2011-12-09T10:54:00.001-06:00

CanGod use me? It is tempting to get down on ourselves and say, “No.”

Severalyears ago, someone sent me thoughts that addressed these concerns. While Idon’t agree with every interpretation (I don’t know if Timothy had ulcers…), Iagree with the author that the God’s answer is a big, “YES.” God can use us.

Thank God...

The world might say there are manyreasons why God wouldn't want to use you or me. But don't worry..........

Moses stuttered.

David's armor didn't fit.

John Mark was rejected by Paul.

Hosea's wife was a prostitute.

Amos' only training was in the school offig-tree pruning...

Solomon was too rich.

Abraham was too old.

David was too young.

Timothy had ulcers.

Peter was afraid of death.

Lazarus was dead.

John was self-righteous.

Naomi was a widow.

Paul was a murderer.

So was Moses.

Jonah ran from God.

Miriam was a gossip.

Gideon and Thomas both doubted.

Jeremiah was depressed and suicidal.

Elijah was burned out.

John the Baptist was a loudmouth.

Martha was a worry-wart.

Mary was lazy.

Samson had long hair.

Noah got drunk.

Did I mention that Moses had a shortfuse?

So did Peter, Paul - well, lots of folksdid.

But God doesn't require a job interview.

He doesn't hire and fire like mostbosses, because He's more our Dad than our Boss.

God doesn't look at financial gain orloss.

He's not prejudiced or partial, notjudging, grudging, sassy, or brassy, not deaf to our cry, not blind to ourneed. As much as we try, God's gifts are free.

We could do wonderful things forwonderful people, and still not be.... wonderful.

Satan says, "You're notworthy."

Jesus says, "So what? I AM."

Satan looks back and sees our mistakes.

God looks back and sees the cross.

He doesn't calculate what you did in '78.

It's not even on the record.

Sure. There are lots of reasons why God shouldn't want us. Butif we are utterly in love with Him, if we hunger for Him more than our next breath,He'll use us in spite of who we are, where we've been, or what we look like.And Thank God for that!

FOR SAFETY'S SAKE...

2011-12-08T10:24:00.001-06:00

Thefollowing was sent to me a dozen years ago. This is more of a joke than astory, but it is fun enough that I thought I would share it:

Do NOT ride inautomobiles: they cause 20% of all fatal accidents.

Do NOT stay home:17% of all accidents do occur in home.

Do NOT walk on thestreets or sidewalks: 14% of all accidents happen to pedestrians.

Do NOT travel by air, rail, or water: 16%of all accidents happen on these.

Only .001% of alldeaths occur in worship services in church, and these are related to previousphysical disorders. Hence, the safest place for you to be at any time is church.Bible study is safe, too. The percentage there is even less.

Go to church! ITCOULD SAVE YOUR LIFE!

One Way to Solve the Problem

2011-12-07T11:57:00.001-06:00

Afew years ago, I caught a story on the radio about a Baptist church that had aproblem. It was with the Methodists down the street.

SomeBaptists were unable to find a space in their own parking lot because membersof the nearby Methodist church, which met earlier than the Baptists, got therefirst. So the Baptist church had a problem.

Now,they could have towed the Methodists' cars away. Or they could have patrolledtheir lot Sunday mornings. Or they could have written a letter to the offendingchurch members imploring them to park elsewhere. But they didn't.

Instead,one Sunday morning, they stuck a bumper sticker to every car in the lot --Baptist and Methodist alike.

Thesticker read: "I'm Proud To Be A Baptist!"

Nomore parking problem.

A Successful Life--an Empty Heart

2011-12-06T15:48:00.001-06:00

Ralph Barton was awell-known cartoonist and columnist in the early twentieth century. His columnswere syndicated in papers throughout the country.

Hebattled mental illness and ultimately committed suicide. He left a note blaminghis mental illness; however, he included with some intriguing thoughtsregarding people of success:

… I have had few real difficulties. I have had, on the contrary,and exceptionally glamorous life—as lives go. And I have had more than my shareof affection and appreciation. The most charming, intelligent, and importantpeople I have known have liked me—and the list of my enemies is very flatteringto me. I have always had excellent health…. I have run from wife to wife, fromhouse to house, and from country to country, in a ridiculous effort to escapefrom myself….

Barton’swords remind me of the book of Ecclesiastes. Why not give that book a read?

Dog Overboard!

2011-12-05T11:52:00.001-06:00

I once read a story, perhaps apocryphal, about the king of Greece traveling to theUnited States several years ago—by ship.

Alsoon the ship was a gentleman who was bringing along a handsome dog. While theywere crossing the ocean, the dog somehow fell overboard.

Theowner begged the captain to stop the ship and rescue the dog. The captainrefused. Considering the king was on board, the captain felt like the dog’stroubles were relatively unimportant.

Then,the dog’s owner asked the captain, “Would you stop the ship if it had been aman?!"

"Certainly!"the captain answered.

Straightaway the dog’s owner threw himself overboard. The captain stopped the ship.

Ultimately,the human was rescued—and so was the dog. Such was the result of a man wholoved a dog and identified with him so much, he was willing to risk hislife.

Someonehas written that is exactly what Jesus did for humans. Surely other beings inthe spiritual world were asking 2000 years ago, “What is he doing?”… when Jesusabandoned heaven and entered into our world. Not only did Jesus risk his life,he surrendered his life—for people.

Hedid so because he loved people so much, and he identified with them.

Look! He’s Moving

2011-12-02T12:21:00.000-06:00

The Apostle, John, tells usto not love this world. Don’t be like a guy I heard about.

Heand two friends die in a car accident, and upon their arrival to heaven, theyare all asked, "When you are in your casket and family and friends aremourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

Thefirst man says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctorof my time, and a great family man."

Thesecond man says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband andschool teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

Thelast man replies, "I would like to hear them say, 'LOOK! HE'SMOVING!'"

Canimagine a guy who loved the world so much, he wanted to leave heaven and returnto it?

Do not love the world or anything in the world.If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him (I John 2:15.) NIV

Our Greatest Need

2011-12-01T08:00:00.000-06:00

If our greatestneed had been information, God would have sent us an educator;

If our greatestneed had been technology, God would have sent us a scientist;

If our greatestneed had been money, God would have sent us an economist;

If our greatestneed had been pleasure, God would have sent us an entertainer;

But our greatestneed was forgiveness, so God sent us a Savior.

--Source unknown

It Cost

2011-11-30T11:52:00.001-06:00

As we enter the Christmas season, it’s good to be reminded how muchcost was expended when Jesus entered into the world.

Ireceived the following a couple of decades ago. The author is unknown.

It Cost

Itcost Mary and Joseph the comforts of home during a long period of exile inEgypt to protect the little babe.

Itcost mothers, in and around Bethlehem, the massacre of their babies by thecruel order of Herod.

Itcost the shepherds the complacency of their shepherds’ life, with the call tothe manger and to tell the good news.

Itcost the wise men a long journey and expensive gifts and changed lives.

Itcost the early Apostles and the early church persecution and sometimes death.

Itcost missionaries of Christ untold suffering and privation to spread the GoodNews.

Itcost Christian martyrs in all ages their lives for Christ’s sake.

Morethan all this, it cost God the Father His own Son—He sent Him to the earth tosave men.

Itcost Jesus a life of sacrifice and service, a death cruel and unmatched inhistory.

The Dot

2011-11-29T12:11:00.001-06:00

Here’sa convicting story. A preacher was once addressing a group of men. He took alarge, blank sheet of paper, placed a black dot in the center with his pen, andheld it up before the men.

“Whatdo you see?” he asked.

Oneperson responded quickly, “I see a black mark.”

“Right,”the preacher replied. “What else do you see?”

Totalsilence.

“Don’tyou see anything other than the dot?” he asked.

Noreply.

“I’mreally surprised that you have completely overlooked the most important thingof all—the rest of the sheet of paper.”

Hisapplication was this. Life is full of blessings and possibilities. Too often,we allow the relatively fewer and smaller, dot-like disappointments or painfulexperiences to distract us.

Inour lives, we have so much to be thankful for—and so much possibility with whatis yet to come.

19 Praise theLord; praise God our savior! For each day he carries us in his arms (Psalm68:19.) NLT

Source: Our Daily Bread

The Wheelbarrow

2011-11-28T14:07:00.001-06:00

Anold story goes like this:

The strong youngman at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a featof strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

Afterseveral minutes one older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put yourmoney where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages thatI can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't beable to wheel back."

"You'reon, old man," the young guy replied.

Theold man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turnedto the young man and said, "Alright. Get in."

Sometimes,it’s better to be wise than strong.

Courtroom Humor

2011-11-25T09:00:00.000-06:00

Ireceived this eight years ago. I thought it was hilarious. Happy postThanksgiving!

Most language is spoken language, and most words, once they are uttered, vanish forever into the air. But such is not the case withlanguage spoken during courtroom trials, for there exists an army of courtroomreporters whose job it is to take down and preserve every statement made duringthe proceedings.

MaryLouise Gilman, the venerable editor of the National Shorthand Reporter hascollected many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers in two books - Humor inthe Court (1977) and More Humor in the Court, published later. From Mrs.Gilman's two volumes, here are some of my favorite transcripts, all recorded byAmerica's keepers of the word:

Q. Did you ever stay all nightwith this man in New York?

A.I refuse to answer that question.

Q.Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?

A.I refuse to answer that question.

Q.Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?

A.No.

Q.Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?

A.By death.

Q.And by whose death was it terminated?

Q.Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?

A.No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

Q.What is your name?

A.Ernestine McDowell.

Q.And what is your marital status?

A.Fair.

Q. Andwho is this person you are speaking of?

A.My ex-widow said it.

Q. Howdid you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?

A.Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney, and said he was reallygood.

Q.Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable?

A.I should be.

Q.How many times have you committed suicide?

A.Four times.

Q.Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A.All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.

Q.Were you acquainted with the deceased?

A.Yes, sir.

Q.Before or after he died?

Q.What happened then?

A.He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identifyme."

Q.Did he kill you?

A.No.

Q.Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent toyour attorney?

A.No. This is how I dress when I go to work.

Q.Did he pick the dog up by the ears?

A.No.

Q.What was he doing with the dog's ears?

A.Picking them up in the air.

Q.Where was the dog at this time?

A.Attached to the ears.

Q. Andlastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.? What

school do you go to?

A.Oral.

Q.How old are you?

A.Oral.

Source: Laugh & LiftDaily Issue 4/14/03 - Message

WebMail - Laugh & LiftDaily Issue 4/14/03

What Are You Thankful for?

2011-11-24T09:30:00.000-06:00

I am shamelessly stealing this video clip from mysister-in-law, who put it in her blog.

Heardof the Skit Guys? They are pretty clever and have funny skits.

Thisis one they put out for Thanksgiving:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvGAFdtAzY0&feature=player_embedded

HappyThanksgiving!

Anger Management

2011-11-23T11:08:00.001-06:00

Winnsboro,TX youth minister Tony Tucker ran this story in a bulletin recently. The authoris unknown. It goes like this:

Aguy gets in a taxi one day headed to the airport. The taxi was driving in theright lane when, suddenly, a car pulled out in front of the taxi. The taxidriver hit the brakes. The taxi skidded and barely avoided hitting the car.

Thedriver of the other vehicle began shouting at the taxi driver. Bizarre, right?What was his problem?

Thetaxi driver did not respond in kind. Instead, he simply smiled and waved.

Thepassenger was amazed. He asked him how he was able to keep his cool.

Thetaxi driver kept his cool because of “The Law of the Garbage Truck.”

“TheLaw of the Garbage Truck” refers to the fact that many people are like garbagetrucks. They operate in life full of frustration, anger, disappointment… inother words, full of garbage.

Intime, their garbage truck becomes too full. They need to dump some of theirgarbage. When they do, that place may be—on you.

Thekey is to not take it personally when they dump their garbage. Smile. Wave atthem. Wish them well. Then, move on.

Nevertake their garbage with you and spread it on other people you know at home,school, work, or anywhere else.

A soft answerturns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Prov. 15:1.) ESV

Cutting Toenails for Christ

2011-11-22T11:53:00.001-06:00

This Sunday, I am preachingfrom John 13.

Afew weeks ago, I was reading Tim Archer’s blog http://www.timothyarcher.com/kitchen/?p=5537and I came across this story he was passing along from Richard Beck and hisblog, Experimental Theology. Beck shares about hisexperiences teaching John 13 in his prison ministry. I could think of no betterillustration of John 13:

After reading the story Ireturned to our prior conversation. I asked, “Can you serve people like Jesusdid here in the prison?”

Asbefore, there was general skepticism. The comment “kindness in prison ismistaken for weakness” was repeated. But I pushed a little harder this time andwaited a little longer.

“Howcan you find moments to serve in this place?”

Therewas a long silence.

Thenone man, Norberto (not his real name), raised his hand.

Iwas intrigued by what Norberto would say. He is a big, intimidating man. Hecould snap me like a twig. You can tell he commands a lot of respect from theother men.

Icalled on him and, given his intimidating presence, figured he’d stay with the“you can’t do that kind of stuff in here” consensus.

Hebegan, speaking softly.

“Well,”he started with his heavy Hispanic accent, “I don’t know if this is what youare looking for but I help my celly [i.e., cell mate].”

“How?”I ask.

“Well,my celly isn’t too bright. Something is wrong with his head. He was in anaccident so he’s not too smart.” Guys who know Norberto’s cellmate nod inagreement and elaborate. Apparently he’s borderline mentally retarded and needsa lot of help taking care of himself and navigating prison life.

Norbertocontinues. “Well, when my celly first got put in with me I noticed that henever took off his shoes. He always left them on. So one day I finally askedhim, ‘Why don’t you ever take off your shoes?’ He wouldn’t tell me. Finally Igot him to tell me. He was embarrassed. He didn’t know how to take care of hisfeet. So his toenails were all overgrown, smelly and ugly looking. So I askedhim to take off his shoes and socks. And his nails were awful. But he didn’tknow how to cut them.

SoI sat him down and had him put his feet in water. Then I took his foot in mylap and cut his toenails for him. I don’t know what people would have thoughtif they walked by, his foot in my lap. And I would never have thought I’d bedoing something like that.”

Therewas now a deep silence in the room. The image before us was so unexpected. Herewas this huge, intimidating man taking the time, almost like a mother, togently wash the feet and trim the nails of his mentally retarded cell mate.

Breakingthe silence Norberto looked up at me and asked, “Is that an example of what youwere talking about?”

“Yes,”I said. “Yes, that is an example of what I was talking about.”

SUPERMAN AND THE SEATBELT

2011-11-21T09:51:00.001-06:00

Ihave immense respect for the great boxer, Muhammad Ali. That’s why I read withgreat amusement a story, perhaps apocryphal, on one of those Internet siteslast week. Of course, during his heyday, Ali was known as much for hisbraggadocio as he was for his boxing.

Thelegend goes that once Ali was flying to a fight on a commercial airline. Beforethe plane took off, a flight attendant, making her rounds, noticed that Ali hadnot buckled his seat belt.

Theflight attendant asked him to buckle up, and Ali refused. The flight attendantinsisted, but Ali said, "Superman don't need no seatbelt."

Theattendant replied, "Superman don't need no plane."

Alibuckled his seat belt.

It’salways good to keep things in their proper perspective.

3 O LORD, what is manthat you regard him, or the son of man that you think of him? 4 Man is like abreath; his days are like a passing shadow (Psalm 144:3-4.)

StorySource: Perry Greene…http://www.sermoncentral.com/illustrations/sermon-illustration-perry-greene-humor-80350.asp