Top Nine Hymns for the Over Fifty Crowd

   [From December 26, 2011 through January 1, 2012, I'm going to be running some of my top viewed posts for 2011. I hope you enjoy these once again--or for the first time. ME]

            Someone sent this to me several years ago. I shared it with my church [in May], and they got a chuckle out of it.

Top Nine Hymns for the Over 50 Crowd

            9-Precious Lord, Take My Hand, And Help Me Up

            8-It Is Well with My Soul, But My Knees Hurt

            7-Nobody Knows the Trouble I Have Seeing

            6-Just a Slower Walk with Thee

            5-Count Your Many Birthdays, Name Them One by One

            4-Go Tell It on the Mountain, But Speak Up

            3-Give Me the Old Timers' Religion

            2-Blessed Insurance

            1-Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah…

                                    I've Forgotten Where I Parked

Go For the Gold!

          [From December 26, 2011 through January 1, 2012, I'm going to be running some of my top viewed posts for 2011. I hope you enjoy these once again--or for the first time. ME]
           We don’t know who the source is of this story; hence, it may be legend. So let’s listen to it as a parable and apply it to mentoring.

            Over a century ago, Andrew Carnegie was the wealthiest man in America. He came to America from his native Scotland, when he was a small boy, performed a variety of odd jobs, and eventually ended up as the largest steel manufacturer in the United States.

            At one time, he had forty-three millionaires working for him. In those days a millionaire was a rare person; conservatively speaking, a million dollars in his day would be equivalent to over twenty million dollars today.

            A reporter asked Carnegie how he had hired forty-three millionaires.

            Carnegie responded that those men had not been millionaires when they started working for him. They had become millionaires as a result of working for him.

            The reporter's next question was, "How did you develop these men to become so valuable to you that you have paid them this much money?"

            Carnegie replied that men are developed the same way gold is mined. When gold is mined, several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold; but one doesn't go into the mine looking for dirt - one goes in looking for the gold.

            That's exactly the way Christian leaders need to view people. Don't look for the flaws, warts, and blemishes. Look for the gold, not for the dirt; the good, not the bad.

            When we achieve this, we can truly cultivate a culture in our churches where equipping disciples can occur.

Take a Quiz!

[From December 26, 2011 through January 1, 2012, I'm going to be running some of my top viewed posts for 2011. I hope you enjoy these once again--or for the first time. ME]

Here’s a fun quiz fromhttp://www.whimsy.org.uk/quiz.html

The answers are at the bottom:

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?



2) Which country makes Panama hats?



3) From which animal do we get catgut?

 

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?



5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

 

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?



7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?



9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

 

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

 

All done? Check your answers below!





 

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ



1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
116 years



2) Which country makes Panama hats?
 Ecuador

 

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
 Sheep and Horses

 

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
 November



5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
 Squirrel fur

 

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
 Dogs

 

7) What was King George VI's first name?
Albert

 

8) What color is a purple finch?
Crimson



9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
 New Zealand

 

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Orange.

         Sometimes, what appears to be the obvious answer is not the true answer. Sort of like the world’s solutions for the challenges of life.

TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT AND PANTS

             [From December 26, 2011 through January 1, 2012, I'm going to be running some of my top viewed posts for 2011. I hope you enjoy these once again--or for the first time. ME]

             I read a story recently about a teenage girl who wanted to buy her first bikini. She approached her parents and alerted them to her wish.

            Her father calmly replied, “Let’s discuss this, but first, take off your shirt and pants.”

            This horrified the teenager. She exclaimed, “Dad! I can’t do that! I would be standing here in my underwear!”

            He gently explained that standing in her underwear would cover up more of her body than a bikini would; moreover, she was standing in the presence of only her mom and dad. If they could not see her in garments that covered more of her body, why would she want to be seen in less before an infinitely larger group of people?

            The teenager never mentioned bikinis again.

How to Get People to Stay for a Sermon

[From December 26, 2011 through January 1, 2012, I'm going to be running some of my top viewed posts for 2011. I hope you enjoy these once again--or for the first time. ME]     

        Preaching can be a challenge. However, I would not necessarily recommend the following technique.         

         An old story tells of one of the great preachers of the 1800s, Dwight L. Moody. Once, Moody was the guest preacher at a church.

         Beginning his sermon, Moody warned that some of the congregation usually left before the end of the sermon. Then he said, "I am going to speak to two classes of people this morning; first to the sinners, then to the saints."

         Moody proceeded to address the "sinners" for a while, and then said they could leave. For once, every member of the congregation stayed to the end of the sermon.

While They Were Sleeping

            Here’s something no preacher wants to hear:

            Shortly before she dismissed them to the worship assembly, a Sunday school teacher asked the children her class, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

            A little girl answered, "Because people are sleeping."

Too Late to Take Her Out

            Being single can be discouraging if you want to marry. Sometimes, if one is not careful, discouragement can lead to bitterness.

            I can’t help but think about the old story of the elderly woman who passed away.

            Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive; I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.”

            

A Non-Christmas Story

            An old story goes like this:

            Little Leroy went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he acted.

            She said, "Well, Leroy, it isn't Christmas and we don't have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. So why don't you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one instead."

            After his temper tantrum, his mother sent him to his room. He finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus:

            Dear Jesus:

                        I've been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new bicycle.

                        Your Friend,

                        Leroy.

            Now, Leroy knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he was (he was a brat). So he ripped up the letter and decided to give it another try:

            Dear Jesus:

            I've been an OK boy this year and I want a new bicycle.

            Yours Truly,

            Leroy

            Well, Leroy knew this wasn't totally honest so he tore it up and tried again:

            Dear Jesus:

            I've thought about being a good boy this year and can I have a bicycle?

            Leroy

            Well, Leroy looked deep down in his heart, which by the way, was what his mother really wanted. He knew he had been terrible and was deserving of almost nothing. He crumpled up the letter, threw it in the trashcan and went running outside. He aimlessly wandered about depressed because of the way he treated his parents and was really considering his actions.

            He finally found himself in front of a Catholic Church. Leroy went inside and knelt down, looking around not knowing what he should really do.

            Leroy finally got up and began to walk out the door and was looking at all the statues. All of a sudden he grabbed a small one and ran out the door.

            He went home, hid it under his bed and wrote this letter:

           

            Jesus,

            I've got your mama. If you ever want to see her again, give me a bike.

            You know who.

            It is easy to jump on Leroy, but before we do, let us consider this: do we ever attempt to coerce Jesus to get what we want?

The Talking Lab

             An old joke goes like this:

            A guy is driving around and sees a sign in front of a house: Talking Dog For Sale.  He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.  The guy goes out and sees a Lab sitting there. 

            “You talk?” he asks. 

            “Yep,” the Lab replies.  

            “So, what’s your story?” 

            The Lab says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young and I wanted to help the government.  So I told the CIA and in no time they had me eavesdropping on spies and world leaders.  For 8 years I was 1 of the most valuable spies.  But I got tired and I wanted to settle down.  I retired and was awarded a batch of metals.  I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m retired.”

            The guy goes back and asks how much for the dog? 

            “$10,” he’s told. 

            "Why so cheap? The dog is amazing."

            “He’s a liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff.”

            Think Jesus was addressing situations like this when he said, “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’…”?  :)

How to Determine Your Age

            A grandmother wrote something cute a few years ago:

            “When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, ‘I’m not sure.’”

            “He advised me, ‘Look in your underwear, Grandma.  Mine says, I’m 4-6.’”

How to Get People to Stay for a Sermon

         Preaching can be a challenge. However, I would not necessarily recommend the following technique.         

         An old story tells of one of the great preachers of the 1800s, Dwight L. Moody. Once, Moody was the guest preacher at a church.

         Beginning his sermon, Moody warned that some of the congregation usually left before the end of the sermon. Then he said, "I am going to speak to two classes of people this morning; first to the sinners, then to the saints."

         Moody proceeded to address the "sinners" for a while, and then said they could leave. For once, every member of the congregation stayed to the end of the sermon.

Failure is Good

             I noted that Duke basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski was on the cover of SPORTS ILLUSTRATED last week (along with Pat Summit.) It reminded me of an earlier story in the magazine that appeared back in 1992.

             “Coach K” knew only failure in his early years at Duke. Then, after his program began to win, he experienced consistent failure at the Final 4, culminating with an epic loss to UNLV in the 1990 championship game (103-73.)

            Rather than despair, Krzyzewski sought to learn from each failure. As SI put it, "It's an article of faith with Krzyzewski that failure and success are connected like cause and effect. ‘That's why losing at the Final Four has never been a bother to me,’ he says. ‘There was a bigger thing there.’”

            That attitude has paid off a number of times, including the Final 4 in 1991. Duke accomplished what may have been basketball’s greatest upset, defeating an undefeated UNLV team that some were calling the greatest of all time.

            The Bible offers a consistent message of hope and even redemption after failure. Another reason people often refer to it as “the Good News.”

Are you over 21?

            Several years ago, a guy in Colorado Springs walked into a convenience store. He carried with him a shotgun. He demanded that the clerk give him all the cash from the cash drawer.

             After the clerk put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the clerk on a shelf.  He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well; the cashier refused saying, "I can't do that because I don't believe you are over 21."

             The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give him the scotch, again stating that he believed the robber to be under 21. 

            At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and handed it over to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, conceded that the man was in fact over 21, and put the scotch in the bag.

            The robber then ran from the store with his money. The cashier immediately phoned the police, offering the name and address of the robber, which he had taken from the license.  

            Two hours later, authorities arrested the robber.

            Living life by the gut typically does not work. At some point, clear thinking-reflecting in good attitudinal and behavioral choices-is necessary.

            I have found that God’s Word is the best source for providing clear thinking.

The Ultimate Gift

            A story, perhaps legend, goes like this:

            A person volunteering at Stanford Hospital tells of a little girl named, Liza. Liza suffered from an inherited disease. She needed a blood transfusion from her five-year-old brother to live.

            Her doctor asked Liza’s brother if he would be willing to donate blood for her. He hesitated and then answered, “Yes, if it will save Liza.”

            The transfusion began. The brother smiled as his sister regained the color in her cheeks. However, his face grew pale. He turned to the doctor and asked, “Will I start to die right now?”

            He had misunderstood. He had thought that he was going to donate his entire blood supply to save Liza's life.

            Fortunately, that brother’s offering of blood did not require his life. My older brother’s offering of blood required his; and it saved mine. My older brother’s name is Jesus.

Story Source: Ron Cline: Beyond The Call

Judge Not Lest Ye Shall Be Judged

            Warren Wiersby, in his book, BE COMPASSIONATE, wrote about the blind English poet, John Milton. As Milton grew older, people began to forget him.

            One day, Charles II, son of the monarch whom the Puritans had beheaded, visited Milton. King Charles II said to him, “Your blindness is a judgment from God for the part you took against my father.”

            Milton replied to him, “If I have lost my sight through God's judgment, what can you say about your father who lost his head?”

            Too often, people misapply the teachings of Jesus concerning Mt. 7:1, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” Wiersby’s story just might be an appropriate illustration.

Don’t Worry, God Can Use You

            Can God use me? It is tempting to get down on ourselves and say, “No.”

            Several years ago, someone sent me thoughts that addressed these concerns. While I don’t agree with every interpretation (I don’t know if Timothy had ulcers…), I agree with the author that the God’s answer is a big, “YES.” God can use us.

Thank God...

The world might say there are many reasons why God wouldn't want to use you or me. But don't worry..........

Moses stuttered.

David's armor didn't fit.

John Mark was rejected by Paul.

Hosea's wife was a prostitute.

Amos' only training was in the school of fig-tree pruning...

Solomon was too rich.

Abraham was too old.

David was too young.

Timothy had ulcers.

Peter was afraid of death.

Lazarus was dead.

John was self-righteous.

Naomi was a widow.

Paul was a murderer.

So was Moses.

Jonah ran from God.

Miriam was a gossip.

Gideon and Thomas both doubted.

Jeremiah was depressed and suicidal.

Elijah was burned out.

John the Baptist was a loudmouth.

Martha was a worry-wart.

Mary was lazy.

Samson had long hair.

Noah got drunk.

Did I mention that Moses had a short fuse?

So did Peter, Paul - well, lots of folks did.

But God doesn't require a job interview.

He doesn't hire and fire like most bosses, because He's more our Dad than our Boss.

God doesn't look at financial gain or loss.

He's not prejudiced or partial, not judging, grudging, sassy, or brassy, not deaf to our cry, not blind to our need. As much as we try, God's gifts are free.

We could do wonderful things for wonderful people, and still not be.... wonderful.

Satan says, "You're not worthy."

Jesus says, "So what? I AM."

Satan looks back and sees our mistakes.

God looks back and sees the cross.

He doesn't calculate what you did in '78.

It's not even on the record.

Sure.   There are lots of reasons why God shouldn't want us. But if we are utterly in love with Him, if we hunger for Him more than our next breath, He'll use us in spite of who we are, where we've been, or what we look like. And Thank God for that!