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Friday, February 1, 2013

Top Ten Fun Things to Do In a Mall

It’s time for something funny. Someone sent this to me several years ago:

Top Ten Fun Things to Do In a Mall
            10. Ask mall cops for stories of World War I.
               9. Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.

              8. At a department, buy pajamas in the clothing department, change into them, and then test mattresses in your pajamas.
              7. Rummage through the jellybean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens.

              6. In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, "I see London, I see France..."
               5. "Toast" plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.

             4. Ask the information desk for a stroller, and someone to push you around in it.

             3. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leakproof".

             2. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.

              1. Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.

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