These were sent to me a couple of decades ago. I got a kick out of them. Use them as you will. They were excerpts from actual classified ads:
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll
never go anywhere again.
Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals,
and smacks included.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.