Smart Thoughts

This is probably a little silly, but someone sent this to me years ago, and I kept it. I don’t know who the original compiler is:

I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

I had amnesia once... or twice.

They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not sure.

What's another word for thesaurus?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? (I have heard Coach Lou Holtz say this.)

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

Is it my imagination, or do Buffalo wings taste like chicken?