Kid Instructions For Life

            Living life can be a daunting task. Sometimes, we need good advice on how to do it. How about this:

Top Ten Kid Instructions for Life

 10. Never trust a dog to watch your food.  Patrick, Age 10  

   9. Wear a hat when feeding seagulls. Rocky, Age 9   

  8. Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning. Stephanie, Age 8

  7. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.

      Heather, Age 16  

  6. Never tell your mom her diet's not working. Michael, Age 14  

  5. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. Joel, Age 12   

  4. Never try to baptize a cat. Laura, Age 13

  3. Never do pranks at a police station. Sam, Age 10

  2. Never dare your little brother to paint the family car.  Phillip, Age 13

  1. Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand. Molly, Age 11

            As good as that advice is, maybe we can find better places to look. How about starting with the Bible?

Are you over 21?

            Several years ago, a guy in Colorado Springs walked into a convenience store. He carried with him a shotgun. He demanded that the clerk give him all the cash from the cash drawer.

             After the clerk put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the clerk on a shelf.  He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well; the cashier refused saying, "I can't do that because I don't believe you are over 21."

             The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give him the scotch, again stating that he believed the robber to be under 21. 

            At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and handed it over to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, conceded that the man was in fact over 21, and put the scotch in the bag.

            The robber then ran from the store with his money. The cashier immediately phoned the police, offering the name and address of the robber, which he had taken from the license.  

            Two hours later, authorities arrested the robber.

            Living life by the gut typically does not work. At some point, clear thinking-reflecting in good attitudinal and behavioral choices-is necessary.

            I have found that God’s Word is the best source for providing clear thinking.

Focus on the Bad Guys

            Okay, this is not exactly a story, unless you count it as a story about the biblical scholar, James Sanders. However, it is so good, I had to share it in some venue.

            Here it is: when you read the Bible, you should never identify with the good guys. Rather, identify with the bad guys.

            If you come away from the Bible feeling good, you have misread it. That will make you feel self-righteousness.

The Value of the Bible

            I have not confirmed the following story; I read it in a Christian magazine many years ago. To be safe, let’s say, “Legend has it…

            D.L. Moody was preaching one time in a Southern city about the value of the Word of God in a person's life. Suddenly, he was interrupted by the loud voice of a man in the audience.

                 “Mr. Moody, I do not believe a single word of that collection of old wives’ tales you call your Bible!”

                 “My dear brother,” replied Mr. Moody, “there is one verse in this Bible which you are forced to believe. ‘Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.’ If a man sows wheat, he does not reap potatoes or peanuts. Take the saloonkeeper, for example; he sows drunkards and he will reap drunkards.”

                 The man sat down as the audience broke into loud applause. Mr. Moody, of course, did not know the man, but the audience did. He was a notorious, long-time atheistic saloonkeeper; and all his children, both sons and daughters, were drunkards.

The Craziest Language

           Someone sent me the following poem several years ago. It gave me a chuckle. The author is unknown:                

The Craziest Language

            We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes.

            But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.        

            The one fowl is goose, but two are called geese.

            Yet the plural of moose, should never be meese.

            You may find a lone mouse or a nest of mice.

            But the plural of house is houses, not hice.

    

            If the plural of man is always men,

            Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

          

            If I spoke of my foot, and show you my feet,

            And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?           

           Then one may be that, and three would be those,

           Yet hat in the plural would never be hose.              

            When we say brother, we say brethren.

            But though we may say mother, we never say methren.           

            Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and him,

            But imagine the feminine, she, shis, and shim.

            So, English I fancy you will agree

            Is the craziest language that you ever did see.

            English is my mother tongue; yet, like the author of this poem, I still find it challenging. That is why I respect the discipline of Bible study.

The Bible is a book written over a 1500-year period. It was written in three languages—none native to me. The final book in the Bible, Revelation, was written almost 2000 years ago.

I do not take for granted the understanding of the Bible, and I take seriously the study of God’s word.

The United State of Busyness

A few weeks ago, TIME magazine did a cover story on the American novelist, Jonathan Franzen. Here is a quote from Franzen that speaks to America today:

We are so distracted by and engulfed by the technologies we've created, and by the constant barrage of so-called information that comes our way, that more than ever to immerse yourself in an involving book seems socially useful. The place of stillness that you have to go to to write, but also to read seriously, is the point where you can actually make responsible decisions, where you can actually engage productively with an otherwise scary and unmanageable world.

Franzen was inspired by the 19^th century philosopher Soren Kierkegaard. Ahead of his time, Kierkegaard wrote that the problem of perpetual busyness is that which locks an individual into continuous distraction.

We live in a society with all of its cell phones, Internet capabilities, MP3 players and the like that seeks to distract us. With that distraction, as TIME so ably summarizes it, people are empowered to “avoid difficult realities and maintain self-deceptions.”

I like Franzen’s idea of finding a place of stillness, in order to read, process, and think. Rather than making any book your partner in that endeavor, I would recommend placing our priority upon one: the Bible. With that time, that place, and that book, I think each day we can find an oasis in our cultural desert. 

Could there be a more nourishing experience?

How Reading the Bible Saved a Marriage

(I first heard this story on spring break campaign, when I was in college. The person relating it to us said that it came from the voice of HEARTBEAT—
Landon Saunders. For the sake of privacy, I am going to change the names of the spouses.)

Bob, a young man working with HEARTBEAT ministries was a workaholic. Things went sour in his marriage and it disintegrated. The couple obtained a divorce.

Bob, broken-hearted, went to Landon and asked, "What do I do?"

Landon said, "You do nothing—except get up an hour earlier each day and read the Word."

Because the divorced couple had a child, they occasionally had contact with each other. In time, the ex-wife asked Landon, "What has happened to Bob? He has changed so much."

Six months later, the couple remarried. Later, Bob wrote a tract for HEARTBEAT ministries calling it, "An Open Letter to a Troubled Marriage."

Clearly, many variables are present in marriage. However, never underestimate the power of the Word of God on an open heart.