Charles and Andy Stanley: A painful father and son relationship

     Today's story was written by CNN's John Blake. It is an intimate account of the complex and at times painful relationship between two icons of evangelical preaching: Charles Stanley and his son, Andy.
     I found Blake's effort to be thorough, fascinating, and engrossing. And for any preachers out there who think that creating large churches or cultivating a huge readership is the key to experiencing a happy life, this account of Charles and Andy Stanley will irrevocably prove otherwise. Here is the link:

http://www.cnn.com/2012/11/17/us/andy-stanley/index.html

BUILDING WALLS

            I saved a story a few years ago that expressed the danger of building walls to keep other people from hurting us. It was written by Dr. Mickey Anders, who in turn gives credit to Dr. Joel Gregory of the Southern Baptist Convention:

            I can still remember a sermon that I heard Joel Gregory preach at the Southern Baptist Convention in 1988. He built the sermon around a gripping illustration. He told how there was a castle on the English coast owned by an landlord, but no one currently was living there. Vandals were coming in and destroying the place. So he hired a contractor to build a nice rock wall around the castle. The fee was agreed upon and the contractor began his work.

            But after a short time the contractor began having trouble finding rocks for the wall. So he called the owner to complain about the situation. The owner sharply replied, "I don't care where you get the rocks, I want you to build that wall!"

            Some time later the owner came to see the progress of the work, and found a beautiful high wall. He was so impressed with the fine work the contractor had done. It was a perfect wall for his castle. But then he went through the wall, and was stunned to find that there was no castle! The contractor explained, "There were all these wonderful rocks in that run-down old castle, so I used them."

            That is the folly of anyone who is so prejudiced that they do not open themselves up to the grace of God that can come through another human being. We think we are protecting ourselves, we are protecting something of cherished value, so we build a wall. But when the wall is built, we find that we have torn down everything of value within ourselves.

My All Time Favorite Joke

            Okay, the following is my all-time favorite joke. I have updated to reflect current technology. If you are an after-dinner speaker, it is guaranteed to get you a laugh. You're welcome:

            A guy goes to the gates of heaven where he meets St. Peter. St. Peter says to him "God has looked at your book of life and you are welcome in heaven under one condition" 

           The man says, "What's that?"

            St. Peter says, "You must spell the word 'Love'." So the guy does and he is let into heaven.

            As he gets in, St. Peter's cell phone goes off with a text message. He tells the man to watch the gate until he returns, and reminds him that he must ask whoever comes to spell the word.

            Next thing you know, the guy’s wife shows up at the gate and he asks her what she is doing there?

            She says that on the way home from the funeral, there was an accident and she died. The husband says, “Alright, but you do have to spell one word first before you come in to heaven.”

            She asks, "What's the word?"

            The guy says, "Spell ‘Czechoslovakia.’"

He Was Missed

            Deep in the heart of my files, I found a reference to a story Paul Harvey was supposed to have reported a decade or two ago. It seems, at that time, a seventy-three year old man was found pinned under his tractor on his farm. He had been there for a few days, but he survived his nightmare.

            What caught the attention of the person sharing this story was the fact that it was the members of his church, who figured out something was wrong. He did not show up for Wednesday night prayer meeting. This guy was always there at prayer meeting. If he was not there, something was wrong!

            Members immediately began investigating and that was when some discovered his terrible plight. What I like about that story was this—the man’s absence was noticed!

            If you were absent from a meeting of your faith community, small group, Bible study, or prayer group, would people notice? Would it be assumed part of your normal routine (here, absent, here, absent…)?

            Something else, do you let members known when you will not be present? At my church, we have a member who is autistic. She suffers from Asperger’s sydrome, just like Temple Grandin. This member is the best I have ever seen at letting me or others know she will not be at a certain event. She offers no surprises, but she does offer accountability.

            Shouldn’t we all practice this? Why is it that someone, who suffers from a disease that hampers her ability to relate to people, is the only one in our church, who gets a very important point about what it means to relate to people?

(Editor's note: in the original, I made reference to "Temple Grande." I am sure somewhere on this planet, someone carries the Spanish name--translated--of "Big Temple." However, that is not the same person as the one I intended to reference--Temple Grandin. My bad.) 

The Wrong Policy

I read a humorous story, in a bulletin, several years ago. It seemed a farmer’s barn burned down. It was covered by insurance. An agent came and informed the farmer that in lieu of paying cash, the insurance company would simply build him a barn identical to the one that burned.

The farmer was not impressed. “Well,” he said, “if that’s the way your company does business, you can cancel the insurance on my wife!”

In church relations, marriages, and work, one area I see as being problematic is that of unrealized expectations. I pondered that reality one day, as I notice the word “ask” is used over 750 times in scripture.

This reality implies communication, clarification, and understanding. Those are good things to seek going into or staying in—a relationship.

Want realistic expectations? Start by asking.

Goodbye, Office

Business writer and cultural observer, Seth Godin, says the office is on its way out. He believes that in ten years, reruns of NBC’s show, THE OFFICE, will be paying homage to a relic.

I have no way of knowing. Certainly, more and more people are working out of their homes. And Godin makes a compelling case. So let’s imagine what he says comes to pass. What will be the implications?

Will there be a greater desire for community, since a source of meeting that need will be eliminated?

Will family relationships become stronger; such as they were in times past when farmers worked at home amongst their family members?

Will people grow more spiritually with the temptations that come with many offices removed?

I believe if God’s people want to practice godly stewardship, it would behoove them to plan for this possible contingency. Remember, it’s always better to be ahead of the wave than to catch it in progress.

Band-Aids

In the book HOOKED, Joe McIlhaney and Frida McKissick Bush offer a gripping illustration. An individual can take a Band-Aid and put it on a wound. A Band-Aid is a wonderful tool to help in a fallen world. It is literally a band of flexible material that offers aid and comfort. The gauze of the Band-Aid protects the wound. The adhesive of the Band-Aid, attaches to the skin of an individual, thus allowing him to cope with his wound and begin the process of healing.

Watch out, though. If that person should take the Band-Aid off, reattach it, take it off, reattach it, take it off, and reattach it, the Band-Aid will begin losing its ability to attach. Sex is like that. It is a beautiful gift from God. God designed it for marriage. It had various purposes before Adam and Eve fell. After the Fall, sex gained additional importance.

It became one means of coping with a fallen world. Ever after, a man and woman could marry and literally attach themselves spiritually, socially, emotionally, and, of course, physically with each other. This relationship became one of God’s blessings to help us heal from the wounds a world of sin brings.

God wired us to attach ourselves sexually to one other person—our spouse. And, as new imaging technology is now showing us, our brain emits chemicals during our sexual experiences that help us attach to another person. This is great if that other person is our spouse. However, if we attach to someone, detach ourselves, and then attach our selves to another person, detach ourselves from that person…, then we ultimately, chemically, begin losing our ability to attach ourselves socially, emotionally, and spiritually to another person.

It is important to note that our brains do not simply release these chemicals during sexual intercourse, it releases the chemicals any time it senses we are engaging in a sexual experience.

All of this information reinforces in my mind the importance of guarding our hearts, reserving them for our spouses, either future or present. Perhaps, the Bible’s teaching on our sexuality reflects the fact that God truly understands us.