Top Ten (Worst) Analogies Found in High School Papers

          My wife, Judy, teaches writing at a junior high school in Tyler. I bet she can relate to the following, which gave me a laugh:

Top Ten Worst Analogies Found in High School Papers

10. “The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can."

9. “He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it."

8. “The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."

7. "McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup."

6. "From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30."

5. "Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze."

4. "Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\\aaakk/ch@ung but gets         T:\\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake."

3. "Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."

2. "The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease."

1. “Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."

            Clearly, these analogies were efforts poorly conceived and executed. They fall short of the mark… like my efforts before God have often done.

"23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…" (Rom. 3:23 NIV.)

When “I is…” is Correct

            I must be more careful to not interrupt people when they talk. Several years ago, someone sent me a story that illustrated how interruptions created disruptions in the classroom:

TEACHER: “Ellen, give me a sentence starting with ‘I’.”

ELLEN: “I is...”

TEACHER: “No, No, Ellen. Always say, ‘I am.’”

ELLEN: “All right... ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’"

            I know I am called to offer grace in my everyday interactions with people. I am to be salt and light. The less I interrupt people, the more grace I offer people.

Cramming for a Final

            One man wrote, “I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they grow older.  Then, it dawned on me; they were cramming for their finals.”

            It’s not going to do much good is it? We depend upon God’s grace in facing our finals; we enjoy the Bible because we appreciate God’s grace in facing our finals.

Flash--Tooth Fairy Paying Less

            Hard times have affected a lot of people the past few years, and now they have even impacted the tooth fairy. Delta Dental, an insurance provider for dental coverage, recently commissioned a survey in which 1355 people responded.

            In 2010, according to the survey, the average amount the tooth fairy left under a child's pillow was $2.52. In 2011, that amount dropped 16% to $2.10. That’s an average of 42 cents less for a lost tooth.

            Paul writes good news to us in the New Testament—the value of God’s grace does not fall: 7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace 8 that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding (Eph. 1:7-8.) NIV 1984 God’s grace does not drop in value because it is backed by the inexhaustible riches of God.

            I'm glad that God's gift of grace does not drop in value. How about you?

Source: WORLD MAGAZINE

Pushing Uphill

            An attitude of gratitude can be hard to cultivate in children. The story is told of a small boy pushing a heavily loaded car up a long, steep hill. He seemed overwhelmed.

            Fortunately, a kind passer-by assisted him. At last, they succeeded in pushing the cart all the way to the top. After getting his wind back, the adult indignantly said to the boy, “Only a scoundrel would expect a youngster to do a job like that! Your employer should have known it was too heavy for you.”

            “He did,” replied the boy, “but he said, ‘Go on, you’re sure to find some old fool who’ll help you up the hill.”

            Teaching children to be gracious starts with the parents. Surely we Christian parents, recipients of God’s grace, can teach our children to be gracious.

Source—Edmund Fuller

The Cow Climbed up the Ladder

            Carol Podemski wrote several years ago about an event that occurred when her son was five years old. Carol was showing him around her grandfather's farm, “pointing out the hard work and skills it once took to farm the land.

            When they entered the cow barn, she writes, “I gazed up at the long, handmade ladder to the loft and explained that that was where my grandfather had kept the hay to feed the cows. I was delighted at the impression this seemed to make, until my son   remarked, ‘I bet it was hard for those cows to climb that ladder.’"

            I wonder how difficult it is for God to explain to us the depth of His love, the extent of His grace, the wonder of the Trinity, and other concepts. There is so much about God that is  incomprehensible.

What Part Did You Play In Your Salvation?

            The old preacher, Harry Ironside, was asked, “What part did you play in your salvation?”

            He answered, “The important part; I got lost.”

Never Ask For Justice

            Legend has it a maiden approached Napoleon begging that he spare the life of her father, who had been a deserter and had been condemned for execution.             

             Napoleon frowned and answered, “He has already twice deserted and do you ask for his life?”

            “Sir,” she replied, “I do not ask for justice but, for mercy.”

            Napoleon granted her plea.

            Who are we to ask God for justice?