Long-winded Lazy Preachers

Few people appreciate long-winded preachers; fewer still appreciate lazy ones.

While a lawyer, Abraham Lincoln once combined both flaws in a story he told for effect in a trial: "It's a like the lazy preacher who used to write long sermons, and the explanation was, he got to writing and was too lazy to stop."

Tired of Your Preacher?

            Back in the 90s, someone sent an item from a Lutheran newsletter. I thought it was funny because it was a takeoff of the chain-letter emails they are so often passed around. It you are unhappy with your preacher, you might give this some thought:

            For church members unhappy with their minister: "Simply send a copy of this letter to six other churches, who are tired of their ministers. Then bundle up your preacher and send him to the church at the top of the list. Add your name to the bottom of the list.   In one week you will receive 16,436 ministers, and one of them should be a dandy. Have faith in this letter. One man broke the chain and got his old minister back."

The Longest Day

          Several years ago, FOCUS ON THE FAMILY shared this tidbit:

* The Reverend Chris Sterry, vicar of Whalley in Lancashire, UK, has preached his way into the Guinness Book of Records with a sermon lasting 28 hours and 45 minutes. Rev. Sterry could not repeat himself or talk nonsense, and could not pause for any longer than 10 seconds. Because the only rest periods were 15 minutes every eight hours, his listeners were warned that they might have to turn away while he used his "pulpit potty."

            Now your preacher doesn’t seem so long-winded, does he?

Put Away that Television!

            I know first hand that it is hard to be part of a preacher’s family. One of my favorite stories is a humorous one. It concerns a preacher who was preaching a passionate sermon on the evils of television.

            “It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other things,” he proclaimed. He then challenged the congregation to do what he and his family had done.  “We put our TV away in the closet.”

            “That's right,” his wife mumbled to the kids, “and it gets awfully crowded in there.”