Going to Bed Angry

            Husbands and wives should never go to bed angry. There is an old story about a husband and wife who were experiencing a conflict. They each resorted to the classic “silent treatment.”

            Then the man realized he would need his wife, who was an early riser, to awaken him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and lose), he wrote on a piece of paper before bedtime, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."

            The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife had not awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

            The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”

            Conflict can hurt relationships. It is impractical.

            One way to address conflict is to address anger. Paul shared these words of practical advice, “’In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Eph. 4:26-27 NIV.)           

            Those are good words to live by.

           

Loving Confrontation

            George Guthrie writes of an experience that made an impact on his life. Sue, a young lady in his singles’ group, confronted him with news he probably did not wish to hear. Here is how he tells the story:

            One day [Sue] approached me–I was serving as head of the singles' Council at the time–and requested we talked privately for a few minutes. Being single, young man I was thrilled at the opportunity; but talk had nothing to with counsel business or romance.

            Sue started by thanking me for the job I was doing in leading the group and said she deeply respected my walk with the Lord. Then she said, “I want to share with you what seems to be a weakness in your life. You are so busy and move so fast from one project or person to another you often lose eye contact with people. By being distracted, failing to maintain eye contact and looking away from a person, you communicate that the person and what they are saying are not important to you at that moment.”

            Sue went on to give examples, showing that the problem, rather than an isolated incident, had a pattern. She also told me about a godly missionary she had known while serving overseas in a journeyman program. This man, with the weight of his vast mission responsibilities on his shoulders, had never failed to stop and listen intently when Sue needed to talk. He had given her “the gift of his presence.”

            Sue's rebuke was painful but much needed. That encounter, which happened over a decade ago, has made a lasting impression on me. To this day if I am in conversation with a person and my attention begins to falter, Sue’s exhortation comes to mind. I challenge myself, “focus, George. Your full attention.” I still struggle with that focus, but that sister in Christ, who risked being misunderstood and becoming the object of my defensiveness, has by her truth telling had an impact on the way I relate to others.

            I can think of no other example of loving confrontation: speaking the truth in love, and then the listener hearing the truth in love, and doing something about it.

Source: HEBREWS NIV APPLICATION COMMENTARY ON HEBREWS by George H. Guthrie

Expressing Disagreement

            In a dispute, it can be hard to be kind. A professor by the name of Parson was engaged in an argument with a man. Professor Parson grew so sarcastic that he exasperated the gentleman with whom he argued.

            At last, the man said, “Professor, I am going to have to walk away because my opinion of you is a perfectly contemptible one.”

            Professor Parson replied, “I never knew any opinion of yours, sir, which was not contemptible.”

            “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov. 15:1.) ESV

One Way to Solve the Problem

            A few years ago, I caught a story on the radio about a Baptist church that had a problem. It was with the Methodists down the street.

            Some Baptists were unable to find a space in their own parking lot because members of the nearby Methodist church, which met earlier than the Baptists, got there first. So the Baptist church had a problem.

            Now, they could have towed the Methodists' cars away. Or they could have patrolled their lot Sunday mornings. Or they could have written a letter to the offending church members imploring them to park elsewhere. But they didn't.

            Instead, one Sunday morning, they stuck a bumper sticker to every car in the lot -- Baptist and Methodist alike.

            The sticker read: "I'm Proud To Be A Baptist!"

            No more parking problem.

My All Time Favorite Joke

            Okay, the following is my all-time favorite joke. I have updated to reflect current technology. If you are an after-dinner speaker, it is guaranteed to get you a laugh. You're welcome:

            A guy goes to the gates of heaven where he meets St. Peter. St. Peter says to him "God has looked at your book of life and you are welcome in heaven under one condition" 

           The man says, "What's that?"

            St. Peter says, "You must spell the word 'Love'." So the guy does and he is let into heaven.

            As he gets in, St. Peter's cell phone goes off with a text message. He tells the man to watch the gate until he returns, and reminds him that he must ask whoever comes to spell the word.

            Next thing you know, the guy’s wife shows up at the gate and he asks her what she is doing there?

            She says that on the way home from the funeral, there was an accident and she died. The husband says, “Alright, but you do have to spell one word first before you come in to heaven.”

            She asks, "What's the word?"

            The guy says, "Spell ‘Czechoslovakia.’"

Their First Fight

Three weeks after her wedding day, Barbara called her preacher.

She wailed, "Nate and I had a DREADFUL fight!"

"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. EVERY marriage has to have its first fight!"

"I know, I know!" said Barbara. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"

In conflict, it is important to take a deep breath, be patient, and proceed carefully.

It is a trap to dedicate something rashly and only later to consider one’s vow (Prov. 20:25).

Always Mr. Right

A fellow wrote in READERS DIGEST about him and his wife getting into an argument, when they were newly married. They were doing errands and discussing current events. Soon they got into an argument over the issues.

The husband reiterated his position forcefully, but his wife had the last word. "When I knew I'd found Mr. Right," she snapped, "I had no idea his first name was ‘Always!’"

Conflicts are inevitable in marriage, but we can “conflict” fair.

Prov. 12:18--Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.