Top Ten (Worst) Analogies Found in High School Papers

          My wife, Judy, teaches writing at a junior high school in Tyler. I bet she can relate to the following, which gave me a laugh:

Top Ten Worst Analogies Found in High School Papers

10. “The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can."

9. “He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it."

8. “The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."

7. "McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup."

6. "From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30."

5. "Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze."

4. "Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\\aaakk/ch@ung but gets         T:\\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake."

3. "Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."

2. "The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease."

1. “Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."

            Clearly, these analogies were efforts poorly conceived and executed. They fall short of the mark… like my efforts before God have often done.

"23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…" (Rom. 3:23 NIV.)

Inches and Seconds

            In last summer’s Olympic Games, viewers were reminded that Roger Bannister was the first man to break the "four minute mile." Bannister ran less than 1% faster than anyone else had ever done.  Just a second or two made a difference.

            Many call football "a game of inches".  The referee’s spot of the ball can be the difference between a first down and the opposition receiving possession. Possession can mean the difference between victory and defeat. A few inches can make a difference.

            Little things make a difference.

            One of the biblical words we translate as “sin” can also be translated as "missing the mark.” We may be barely off God’s standard of holiness, but we are off. We gave righteousness a shot, and we missed. When it comes to the holiness of God, little things make a difference.

            No wonder we need a Savior.

The Black Sheep of the Family

             I cracked up reading about the great Dr. Samuel Johnson, who, while courting a woman, felt compelled to confess that his family had their skeletons in the closet. One example: he had an uncle, who was hanged.

            The woman he was courting was a master diplomat. She replied that, while no one in her family had been hanged, at least fifty family members deserved such.

The "Ugly" Truth

I hope Tiger Woods is being honest; I really do. I want to see him save his marriage and his family. I want to see him become a better person. Of course, I would really like to see him become a Christian.

If he is being truthful, Tiger appears to be cultivating a self-concept that unfortunately many Christians do not. One evidence of this is a remark Tiger made last week, “You start coming to the truth of who you really are and that can be very ugly.” Indeed, it can. That is why so many do not want to go there.

The Bible repeatedly makes clear that we are all sinners who fall short of the glory of God. It also makes clear the fact that envy, pride, jealousy, bitterness, greed, and other sins of the heart are anathema to God. Still, we want to avoid seeing ourselves as we really are because it is painful.

The irony is that, often, it is those like Woods (whose overt behavior is so ugly it draws public scorn) who ultimately find healing. The road to healing for anyone begins with the act of seeing ourselves as we really are. This we wish to avoid. The more covert our sin, the more we avoid facing our real selves.

We refuse to face our true inward selves at our own peril. When we blind ourselves to our—selves, the only way to cope with what we inwardly sense is... legalism. Legalism is a diseased place to be.