Top Ten (Worst) Analogies Found in High School Papers

          My wife, Judy, teaches writing at a junior high school in Tyler. I bet she can relate to the following, which gave me a laugh:

Top Ten Worst Analogies Found in High School Papers

10. “The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can."

9. “He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it."

8. “The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't."

7. "McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup."

6. "From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30."

5. "Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze."

4. "Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\\aaakk/ch@ung but gets         T:\\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake."

3. "Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever."

2. "The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease."

1. “Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph."

            Clearly, these analogies were efforts poorly conceived and executed. They fall short of the mark… like my efforts before God have often done.

"23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…" (Rom. 3:23 NIV.)